Beware that Blue Cock!

This is the year 2020. (No shit, Sherlock!) We live in an era where men are ashamed to be men. Men who have been brainwashed into believing they are the scum of the earth, the oppressor of women, the root of all evil. I say no more of this nonsense. I say cut that crap. It's time for the return of the eighties' guy. Beware the blue cock. He's coming back to town to show those sissies how to act like men again.

Okay, maybe that was bit much... but there's a grain of truth in what I just said. Global society is going overboard with this PC fetishism. I've been saying this literally for years and last year even Gillette (the best a man can get) got infected with the virus when they portrayed men as the predators they are, who are obviously up to no good and need to be taught a valuable life lesson. Toxic masculinity is supposedly all around. Well, in my book the one thing that's been around these past couple of years is toxic bullshit.

No, I won't pardon my French or my Swedish for that matter. I'm not ashamed to be a man. Call me old-fashioned but I'm proud to turn 50 in June and still flex my fairly impressive muscles. I'm not a metrosexual. I build stuff and repair stuff and, yes, I teach. My voice doesn't go up when I talk to the ladies (so as to sound less intimidating). Dear Lord, aren't psychologists having a field day... Yes, I said ladies. So what? Does that make me toxic? Does that make me less respectful? Why is everybody walking on eggshells anyway? Why are the masses so afraid to be judged? I mean... seriously? When are we going to turn the tide?

Now is when.

So I'm going to set an example. I've dusted off the good ole bachelor outfit. That means no skinny jeans and, yes, socks that actually look like socks, not half-socks that cost a lot more than whole-socks. Did I mention I've been practicing my wolf whistle? (Granted, my technique is a bit rusty and bound to give me a sore tongue but I'll find me some oil.) Who knows, I may even end up back in time saying crazy stuff like, "We gotta make her as real as possible, Wyatt! I want her to live! I want her to breathe! I want her to aerobicize!" If you don't know what I mean, you're just a spring chicken. Or maybe you just care as little about science as I care about driving a frigging Prius. Be that as it may, the Blue Cock is looming on the horizon.

Newsflash: My colleague and fellow caveman Rob (A.K.A. Toxic Rob) was almost fired when he switched on the mic and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to close." What he should have said was, "People, we're about to close." You may want to read that again.

How unbluecockish. You may feel offended now.

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Fun fact: Rooster testicles are larger than you might think, but they need to be. A rooster
is expected to be up at the crack of dawn, crow his heart out - then "service" 20 or more hens during the day. (clovegarden.com)