What a Find: Sexy Shaky's Sonnet 18

You may know I'm a famous researcher when I'm not going all ding-dong on you in my little garden or taking cute pictures outside to make you all jealous and grumpy, and recently I discovered this secret scroll in the Tower of London that had my name on it. I mean literally had my name on it: Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson Blue. I said, 'Wait a minute! Someone's trying to pull my boot camp leg. You English types!' But then I unrolled it and my jaw just dropped. Sonnet 18... the way Shaky had always wanted to see it published but decided not to for fear Ole Lizzy would jump his bones.

SONNET 18
(As revised by the Shakester himself 1564—1616) 

Shall I compare thee to a game I play? 

Thou art less hands-on and more intimate: 

Rough winds do shake your darling butt in May, 

And when we mate I cease to say I'm late. 

Sometime you're hot from all the summer wines, 

And often when you're ready to begin, 

You whisper things no man on earth declines 

And slowly save me from my long-loved sin; 

But thy 'eternal fire' shan't be spared 

Nor shall thy youthful skin remain the smoothest; 

Nor shall ink forever from my pen be fired, 

But there's a line which all too often soothest: 

So long as men can play or dames condemn, 

So long lives this and this give life to them.

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