That Human Parrot

Toxic masculinity! Fake news! Climate change! Build back better! Weapons of mass destruction! The human parrot is on a roll making all the right sounds echoing the so-called news.

So I woke up thinking, How many parrots does it take to bring down the country? I'm talking human parrots. You may have seen them frequenting your favorite place of business. You may have seen them cross the street showing off their feathers. You may have even seen one in the mirror. 

Then again, human parrots have this very special talent. In addition to being able to flawlessly and relentlessly echo the news, they are completely blind to critical thinking. "What's that?" you say. Critical thinking. The ability to cut throught the BS even if it smells so bad in here you want to swallow a hanky and set it on fire hoping something will explode. 

To put it bluntly, human parrots don't see what's staring them in the face. They look in the mirror and see human beauty, but here's the thing. Like Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), there's no way you will ever know if you're still you. You touch your nose thinking it's your nose. The problem is... birds don't have noses. But what do you know? You hear "Toxic Masculinity!" and start parroting away.

But I know you're smarter than that.

I know you want to get to the bottom of this parrot business.

Here's how you can tell if you're still you. Count the number of times you say "Toxic!" on a weekly basis. There's an app that does that for you. It's like that step counter counting the number of steps you take as you casually walk your way through life but only different. Consider it an extra health check. Count the number of times you say "Climate change!" on a weekly basis. Or "Fake news!" Now, I hope you're not one of those über-parrots that say, "Build Back Better!" There's no app to save you then. I can tell you right now.

Come to think of it, what we need is one of those lenses they used in The Fifth Wave (2016) to spot an intruder. Instead of seeing a parasite, you'd look through your lense and think, Well, lo and behold. We've found ourselves some human parrots – green and pink and blue (because we like diversity) but feathery nevertheless. Chloë would be so disappointed, though I think feathers would look good on her. 

"Misogyny!" 

O go sit on a stick and whistle.

The good news is there are fewer human parrots around than in the year 2020. The bad news is we're still very much outnumbered. We're still surrounded by those gurgles and squawks and trills, but there is hope as many are turning silent and quietly morph back into their human form. 

Just don't do the Chicken Dance just yet. 

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