If You Were... a Movie

IF YOU WERE... A MOVIE 

If you were a movie, what kind of movie would you be? 

Would you show how acting is done? 

Would watching you be fun? 

Would you be impressive like that Round Hay Garden Scene, 

short but pleasant, if you know what I mean? 

Would watching you blow my top? 

Would I need to call a Rent-a-Cop? 

Would good ole Sarah be alive? 

Would Model 101 learn about a high five 

or would you ruin what came before

and reimagine that Notting Hill door? 

Would you be a bat movie? 

A cat movie? 

A Beethoven dog flick? 

An ugly guy Hot Chick? 

Would you make Marilyn proud? 

Would you be like Michael Bay – just too damn loud? 

You’ve Got Mail, or so the story goes 

Would you spill The Name of the Rose? 

Would the Roses be at war? 

Would there be gore? 

Would there be Planes, Trains and Automobiles? 

Would touching a pillow remind you of that man butt?

“Want some candy?” a creature might say 

If you were a movie, would you make my day? 

Would Dumb be even Dumber? 

Would the same day be a groundhog bummer? 

Would “I am your father” be a thing? 

Would there be a disco ding-a-ling? 

Or would you be chaste: no Speed, no haste, 

No moaning Meg, no begging Murphy, 

No tall blue men, no little smurf, 

No triple boob baloney, 

No hasta la you-know-what or Furious cars, 

No acid in space, no crazy Rat Race, 

No ghosts to bust, no Fly in the dust, 

No bee for Bean, no dino droppings too... 

Would you be a wolf and a teen? 

If you were a movie, would you be romantic? 

Would you be Frantic at your sea? 

Would you boldly go where no man’s gone before? 

Well, I could ask you so much more at the Blue Guy shore 

so here’s an encore: 

 If you were a movie, what kind of movie would you be?

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