If You Were . . . an Animal

IF YOU WERE . . . AN ANIMAL 

If you were an animal, what kind of animal would you be? 

Would you be a lion, wild and free? 

Would you be a sitting duck shit outa luck, 

Or would you be a snake, 

Rattling on and on, 

venomous, not to be trusted 

till the break of, well, you know how that story goes. 

If you were four-legged, would your feet be cloven? 

Would you walk on two? 

Would you suck me dry when all seems fine -- well, would you? 

Would you produce slime? 

Would you eat a mime? 

Would you sting me in the back pretending that you care? 

Would you stare and never blink, 

Unfeeling, unloving? 

Would you stink? 

Would you be a shark devouring the weak? 

Would you have big teeth? 

Would you boast a beak? 

Would your glare be super dark? 

Would your bite be like a jab poisoning my body? 

Would you be a Chinese bat? 

Would you be that crab eating me away until I'm gone? 

Would you be a rat? 

Or would you be a loyal sheep bleating like a moron: 

Sophisticated when asleep, 

Admiring a creep, 

Believing wolves that look like granny, 

Trusting the uncanny, 

All the while believing pigs wear shoes and drink? 

Can you even think? 

Do you love this farm? 

Does your flesh feel warm? 

If you were an animal, would you be a beast? 

Not an ant, at least? 

Or would you be somebody's favorite pet,

properly domesticated, trained like a common dog? 

Could I be right? 

Would you lick my feet in the middle of the night? 

Would you be the elephant in the room? 

A chicken? 

A flee? 

Tell me, what animal would you be?

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This should upset us all.